Obligatory Valentines Day Posturing

Yes, it's that time of the year again, when signs turn pink, cakes turn heart shaped and otherwise reasonable young fellows turn a bit batty. So what do I have to offer? Hope? Hell no. Solace? You wish. Valentine's day gift ideas for the more adventurous? Hell yeah! And then some. So lets go through some essential reading for the season of love.

The British have always been at the forefront of important lifesaving research, and the Beeb has brought to our notice news of great wonder and importance such as the invention of Glowing Green Pigs. They're back this Valentine's Day with an appropriate warning that Kissing Multiple Partners May Increase the Risk of Meningitis. I suspect the site got censored, because earlier this morning, I kid you not, the story read "Snogging many 'risks meningitis' ". Let this be a lesson to all those getting more action than they can handle this week.

Now, not everyone is entirely keen about the whole business, and the world is a large and welcoming place. Assuming you're not an RSS supporter, there are other saner avenues of protest. For instance you could send out (and this is my personal favourite) an Anti-Valentine's Day Card! "This year, say it with bile".

But if bile is not enough, and you really want to freak your insignificant other out, let me direct you Here, where you can find slightly more morbid means of expression.

You may ask, why the biased links? Why not link to stories of true love and happiness, of happy couples and pink joy? Well, because if you've been actively paying attention to the world for the last week, you like me have probably achieved levels severely pushing overdose. I wouldn't want to take you over the edge. So without further adieu, a few rants.

The price of Flowers in Singapore is INSANE. I'm so Glad that my opinion on flowers has not changed. I'm a firm believer that flowers are things of beauty, and beauty is very dependant on its location. To put it simply and succintly, "flowers belong in the ground", not in bouqets or cheap plastic wrapping. Sadly, many do not share my opinion. These sad buggers have to shell out $40 dollars for a bunch of 12 roses, $60 dollars if they want to send five lilies. Let me just put this into good ol' INR to put some perspective on things. That's a thousand bucks for the roses, and 1600 for the lilies. Oh, there's a 15 dollar surcharge for the delivery. And this is the university "discounted" rate. God bless em all, I tell you. If anyone at any point dares tell me that a long distance relationship is a bit of a burden on the pocket, I shall yell bloody blue murder, and point to the cost of flowers. Not that I would have sent them if I had a girlfriend here at any rate. As I may have mentioned, Flowers Belong In the Ground. This of course would have lead to what else this is the perfect time of the year for.

Breaking Up.

How you do it is critical. There are two ways, again as I may have mentioned before, to do this correctly.
First, do the needful on the 12th, or a couple of days before. Today isn't a bad idea either. The 12th is the right date. The 13th is just cruel, and gives no time for recovery before the world bombards you with messages of togetherness and cuddly babies. The 14th means you're a complete ass, and have commited to spending a lot of money on a girl/guy you're about to break up with. Which brings us very nicely to the second way.
Don't gift anything. In fact, gift pretty much everything I've been telling you to in the wonderful links I've sent. Go out of your way, and find a green glowing pig. But if you want to be really cheap, just sit on your butt and do nothing. You'll get dumped, which is brilliant. It saves you the guilt of having to break up. Simple, yet efficient.

That's about all the practical advice I have for the season. Go ahead, ignore all of it if you want.
I just might do so myself.