Evil Flying Death Vermin

I hate mosquitos, I absolutely abhor them. they're nasty flying bloodsucking vermin, and they're by nature eVol. There are other things that are by nature eVol, but I think we shall not mention them on this nice friendly space.

Now, let me get this straight with everyone. I'm all for mother nature, I think all creatures have a divine right to live, except cows. I wouldn't harm a fly, especially since I am Lord of the Flies, and they obey my every whim. This is true, you lot, and even if I may have blogged about this before, I shall retell the great stories of the Lord of the Flies, he who told the flying fiend to bugger off, and made it promptly land up a guy's shorts.
But that is not what this story is about. It is about mosquitos, and whereas I have dominance over the realm of the lesser creatures, mosquitos are my sworn enemies.
Now, as I was saying, I'm all for their right to live. I do not even mind them sucking my blood, I have enough to go around, and as long as they don't carry nasty virii like malaria or Dengue fever, I'm down with it. What I however dislike, in fact hate about the evil creatures, is that they do not wish to suck my blood. They wish to buzz in my ears. They find this hilarious and fun, they say "Look at the nice man having a decent sleep/nap, lets wake him up and bug the hell out of him."
Now, I can't stand for this kind of thing, and once woken, I shall spend the next fifteen minutes clinically destroying every single mosquito in my room, with a Brunch Magazine, or register. The Brunch Magazine is particularly effective. Then I will check and see why my All Out Pluggy is not working, and it's usually because I have forgotten to plug it in.

Additionally, and everyone who had a problem with the Urinal/Underwear post is requested to stop reading right now, the mossies have found a chink in my armour of leg hair. My inner thighs are not as adequetely covered as the rest of me, and since I am in the habit of spending most of my days in boxers, they have easy access. Thus, a new front has opened on this holy and mighty war.
I'm just waiting for May, when it gets too barmy hot for any of them to survive, and they all burn away.
Muhahahahahaha.